Hey . You know K it will all work out for you with your project . I do and so many other people belive in you and your project. Is dam awesome. Dont get doubt in it .. Yes you have been thrown off a little and it has not gone as smoth as you thought. Take a little detour and and keep your eyes on the prize ! No reward with out the work hey .... I have been really humbled about life. Some big home truths about the way my nature was with d... g use etc ... there is a journey ahead of me and some big challeges as well. I am willing and ready to grow though. I have been missing you so much and i still cant believe how much of a selfish" A hole "i was to miss we james's birthday etc while i was back using hard again ... hopefully he wont remember this in time. take care and love you all heaps ..
hope John is going well and he got that dam tree sorted out so he can finally get dickson side of things sorted. Mum said house got sold quick i did not ask about much and i do trust it has been all sorted with my best interest at heart , esp if you had something to with it !.
Hey ... hope things are going well for you over there and your big project is coming together alot better now . How is J , J,O,and little H going ? hope they are all been good .. Have been missing you lot alot .12 days to go ! ! then i am out of the cage lol . Things are progressing more and more . Had a really flat , down day yest but came good by the afternoon... take care and talk to you soon
Hey ... For sure i have been writing everything down in detail . Its funny as i never enjoyed or wrote,however now i am finding it a really good way of expressing myself and so. I cant wait to talk to you as well! ! there is so much to tell ( good of course ) also things you already know lol but could never got it at the time or understand it . I chave 2 weeks to go now ... so really looking for every op to grow , think ,obsorb and when i leave take the growth shoots with me and leave the rest behind. I do know though i need continue support with qualified people and group therpy etc when i get out of here. I have a huge fear of C. . . E now and D. . .S in general. Relabse for me can not be a option as I know in my heart i was dam lucky. F ing saved by the skin of my finger tip. Death i know was stearing me in the eyes. We did art therapy yest . I found this really easy. I took no more then 5 min to put together. It was basic ... How you saw your live before ... now at serinty and how you see yourself in the future ( we used wrods, pics and colours to express this .... When i completed this i felt a sense of satisfaction... A huge confirmation or re in stating where i want my life to go and what's important to me . I have a awesome feeling of security in myself right now but still have so much to work on in the inside and out . I just cant wait to get out on ! and move onto the next step in my life. Ow i dont have sugar anymore and have not had coffee for over a week. lol I want to get mum up early each morning and take her for a walk, make this a daily thing and try really hard to form a honest and open close bond with her. Love you heaps K . I am proud to be your brother !I have shaven my hair off by the way hehe
Hey ... just read your blog. I miss you and your family alot. What you said to me is so true and i know there is so many people that do love and care for me ( had a F ing tear in my eye as i read it ) . I just never saw it the way i am begining to now . I am really looking forward to what lies aherad of me and working through the big trust thing i have always had .Take care my K. will cache up soon .
Hey. Hope everything is all ok with you all Things are progressing well up here and i am facing some tough challenges.its all good and all about growth and develpment . I am making the most of each class and adknowledging my weaknis's i have. This op has so far proven to be benificial to me and i am getting a lot out of it. Sometimes blogs or comments you send i dont get until the next day though. so am writing this but un sure if any of you have sent any since yest afternoon or b4 . take care and love you all alot . C
Hey guys.. just checking in to let you know that i am progressing really well up here. coming to alot of relisations .. (good ones ) take care .hope all is good and love you all lots . C
Hey,hey ,hey happy birthday ( A )!(big sis ) lol hope you have had a awesome day today... You can fill me in on your birthday wish. I am sorry i could not be there .This year though i am bringing you a present , the present is your crack up but rational brother back from this place .. the one you do know deep down .( well i am working really hard to do this any way... a working progress i must say !!!) You know what they say though ROME was not built in a day... (thats because i was not there though hey ) say hi to all . miss you all lots .. love C
Hey,I do not blame anyone for the things that have happened during my adult hood. I was hurt that you thought i did want to hear from my x etc. Hearing from her did not do any good in my process of healing. as right now i am dealing and working through the things that happened to me in my child hood which efected me alot (NOT MY ADULTHOOD YET). Before I can really deal with my future and take full responsabilty. I have to deal with the past. So right now all those wounds are being opened up again(only to be stiched up in a procise and attentative manner a manner in which i am working through . ( not just quickly sealed and covered up with band aids ready to burst open again when things go wrong like it always has done in the past )I am not even up to talking about my adult hood yet with my specialist. I am up to just ariving and aust. I have spoken about ashly(how i always slept in James. (James knows eaxactly why) .Des .Sue .Foster home. When i went to dads only to get talked into coming back and put straight into boarding school this is just a start.. There is so many things from my child hood that has effected me still to this day and was evident in all aspects of my life from family to the friends i choose to relationships i enter as well . I dont think any of you would ever fully understand how deep it all has hurt me. However i am making the most of the enviroment i am in. The theropist are fantastic and i can really feel i am progressing and working towards becoming whole so i can be the best poss person i can be .Which i want for myself so much !. Its not about blame. Its about me dealing with me. So i can feel better and not feel i have to escape and get scripts from my GP .I feel you understand now. I am being honest and open and by all means they all know i have done and made alot of stupid mistakes. Just like most people. That is my fault i know. What was out of my control was the hurt and the deep scars which i received from a young age until 17ish. So pls .Tell my x thanks for the thoughtful msg etc ,however i am not ready for me yet ... so there would be no way i would be ready for her in any near future or year or more . End Of .
Hey guys,hope everything is going well for you all. Today is family day.The people here had there familys etc over today. I went for good walk early this morning and spent most of the day reflecting and thinking of you all. Miss you all alot.
I just basically want to say apologies for my outburst the other day. I saw something I should not have and reacted when I should have took stock and spoke to one of the guys here. I realize I need to learn to think before I do react . I know you all love me a lot and do want the best for me but you need to give me time to deal with all my issues and also let me work through things with my counsellor and friends here. I know I have stuff to face when i leave here but im getting stronger every day and will deal with whatever lies ahead in the future few weeks.
I am making progress here and understand you doubt my reasons for being here but you will have to trust me when I say I am doing it for me and taking this seriously. I was upset after the call as im sure you all were but I am ok now and looking forward to getting better and making some decisions for myself when I get out of here. Feel free to get in touch anytime through the blogs here and once again I love you all and do think of you a lot.
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